One thing that’s always been important in my life is finding balance.  I have the type of personality that needs daily structure and routine, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I often struggle when my schedule is interfered with.  This is something I’ve been working on though, even more so since becoming a mom.  However, I have to admit that I’m not there yet.  That’s why, after much debating, I finally decided to take Jeff’s advice and place Griffin into daycare full time.  I know that many moms out there may frown on me for doing so, especially when I can stay home with him, but we all have to do what’s right for us at the time.  Plus, I can always change things later on, because nothing’s set in stone.  And daycare’s actually been good for Griffin, providing him the opportunity to interact among other children, and helping him develop social skills.

Now that he’s in daycare (which he loves by the way), its freed up my time to get back to doing things that I’ve had to put on hold, due to time limitations.  I’m finally getting to clean the house, workout, cook, train others, run errands, update my blog, work on my Advocare business, create my 6 week online bootcamp (which should be available soon), actually take a shower (other moms will understand that the struggle is real), etc.  And being able to accomplish these things is finally helping me find that much needed balance again, which in turn, makes me feel like my old and happy self.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I had a rocky start to motherhood; but I absolutely love and adore my little man!  He’s absolutely perfect and brings such joy to my life!  However, when Griffin was first born I lost all sense of balance, and honestly probably suffered from a little postpartum depression because of it.  There were days where I would literally just sit on the floor and cry.  And I’m not talking about the kind of crying where a little tear falls down my check, but rather full on sobs.  I just didn’t know how to release my stress, because fitness and working out was always my go to stress reliever, and I didn’t have time for it anymore.  I felt lost.  To make matters worse, Griffin was a very unhappy baby.  It wasn’t his fault though.  He suffered from a severe case of reflux, and other stomach issues.  Thankfully, it has just now started to correct itself, but at the time, it lead to full days of screaming and crying, and I was the only one at home trying to figure out why my little baby was in pain.  It was heart breaking and I absolutely hated not being able to help him.  There’s nothing worse than seeing your child in pain and not being able to make him feel better.  I’m so happy those days are behind us and that life is returning to normal.

The real reason for this post is to let other new mothers out there know that they are not alone.  We’re all allowed to feel any way we want, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent.  I also promise that you’ll find balance, it might just take some time.